An Empath's Responsibility.

"Our capacity to be nonviolent [i.e. empathic] depends on our proactive practice of courage, balance, love of self, and compassion for others." Adele, Deborah. The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga's Ethical Practice.

Reading people is what I do. I have always known when people are grumpy, sad, hurt, upset, frustrated, offended. I sense it as if it were my emotion. I see their emotions in their eyes. I can begin to perceive it's connection in the world as I watch for clues in their speech and mannerisms.

Being an intuitive person we must remember that old saying "with great power comes great responsibility."

I felt victimized and hurt by my relationships. I thought others saw me and my overwhelm as clearly as I saw them.

Realizing that we may be in the same forest- but we see completely different trees, helped me to understand that I am responsible for showing people who I am. I thought there could be no greater gift. I am sensitive to people's every whim. I can see when someone has gotten their feelings hurt or if something is bothering them. I was not aware that by being so very in tune with them, I lost me. I had begun taking on other's emotions and made it my job to change the world in an effort for them to be happy. I watched as they became more and more reliant on me. My "fixing everything" for them fed into a belief that the world too, would always fit their every whim. My empathic need led me to over-help which had not prepared them for when life was not willing to bend for them. If I chose to eat at a restaurant that one of my kids didn't want to go to it was my job to try and make everyone happy. I worked to try to convince help to be happy or I would give in and we would go somewhere else. I planned to see a movie, but the rest of the family wanted a different film. I would cave to their preference, or we wouldn't go at all.  I had become so lost in other people's emotions that I stopped feeling mine altogether. My to-do list on repairing myself and my relationships has been challenging. I have to have the gumption to assert myself and demand equality.

I make decisions for myself that others may not agree with or like.

I turn my intuition inward to know myself again. Draw lines of separation between my likes and other's preferences.

I look for balance rather than placating. The most challenging action I have learned is the art of saying "no" to people. The power struggle for fairness for myself has been daunting, to say the least. There is push back from my loved ones. It is hard to keep my bearings. I often feel selfish (especially when I am repeatedly told that I am.) Change feels strange and uncomfortable to them. I no longer act as they wish and have come to expect. This self-work is the hardest change I have ever made in my life. There are inconsistencies in my behavior as I try to navigate this new world. I sometimes have to seek advice from trusted confidants to be sure I am on staying on track.  It has been heartbreaking to realize how completely unhealthy I have lived. My empathy has hurt me, and the people I love. All that realization has been the driving force to keep me going. I am determined to make changes and live with integrity to the wisdom bestowed. The upside is the empowerment and excitement about life. I am checking off my bucket list items. I have accomplished things that I never dreamed I would, or even could. The biggest lesson has been finding that unlike me, other people do not know when I am overwhelmed or hurt. They do not even have a clue that I am overburdened. When I begin to perceive heaviness in a relationship, I understand that I am taking on their problems. I am responsible to stand up for myself. I must then create separations to protect them and me. My over-giving had become perceived neediness from others in my relationships

As an empath, we must realize that our power can be disabling to others because we coped for them. This very special gift comes with the responsibility to not get lost in the blurrrd lines of self to others.

What an amazing discovery it has been to find me. I am out of that box of victimized self-deception and believing that it is noble to put myself last. I have come out of hiding, as I can differentiate my energies from those of others.

Are you an empath often overwhelmed by your relationships? You too might benefit by establishing some new rules in your relationships.