Meditation gives me the power to change my reactions- and that changes everything in my current world. Enlightenment comes in stages. It is sometimes found in that moment when your world stops turning and your mind is suddenly still. Just for a glimpse, you can look deep inside yourself. I was so profoundly affected by my practice that I decided to become a meditation teacher.
I would like to share with you what meditation has helped me realize so far, and how you too, can begin to see benefits from a personal practice.
It is true I have walked through some fires and I bear all the scars of those flames. But through self reflection and meditation's clarity I have found purpose and wisdom in the ashes. I now know depths of love and safety that I could have never imagined. I have found a pathway to happiness and home within my own skin. I can honestly say I love my life and I enjoy every second I am given- even the hard and trying days.
For me, it was usually only a monumental circumstance that shook me enough to find a momentary place of stillness. Great joy or great pain would offer a glance that allowed me to realize I am a speck in the universe and that all of the life that I have experienced is only a teardrop in the middle of this giant, endless ocean. I now have a secret door to that place. A clear and uncluttered access to the soul that I truly am. Perhaps you might like to find a door for yourself too.
Strangely, the person I see when I go so far inside is not the person I thought I was at all. She is far removed from what I think to be my inward beliefs. We are both raw and damaged but she is graceful and gentle. Split from my outer self we have been painfully chiseled and fractured apart by unloving judgements and hurtful projections. But safe from the eyes of all the world this soul is still pure, honest and seeking acceptance. She is extremely sure that she is unsure of everything... This authentic soul puts on the smiling mask and persona of what she believes to be acceptable and walks through the her everyday not living her truth. Desperately shielding her tattered soul from being not nice enough, not good enough, not right enough for the people around her.
I look in the mirror at that frightened, shallow person who greets the world everyday and I can see the painfully contrived effort to please.
The truth I can now see is that even at soul level I was a mess. Because I was hurt and torn- I had become bitter and jaded, angry -all that emotion turned inward. A voice in my head always battering my delicate inner conscious with an echolalia of hateful self-deprecating propaganda... In the quiet of meditation, I can go into the eye of that storm where I have found that I am preserved- pure and genuine. I am, and will always be- all the love, joy, laughter, hate, fear and anguish that I have seen and known. But with the quiet mind, I realize I can decide what to do with those past experiences, and I can consciously choose not to wear the mask.
With regular meditation, I have come to see this split in myself clearly. I am working now to allow my experiences to bring the changes of perspective that continue to move me to wholeness. Building trust in my own truths- mask-less.
As I excavate my truth, I am sometimes crashed against the rocks, drug out to the sea, eroded further by my unrealized emotional pain. But I know now that I am being weathered into the beautiful soul that I am meant to be. With each breath I take--- she becomes a little more me- mask removed. I can let down my shield when I see that I was challenged not tortured by the things that once made me this beautifully broken girl.
Vulnerability exposed becomes a beautiful experience. Mistakes and fears become stories to unearth and own. There has been some shame and sadness especially in having been so blind and ignorant. But there is ever growing self-worth and humble pride in being robust enough to fight for me. To make it through and find profound and absolute love within me, for myself.
I am slowly finding that I can trust and share myself with the right people. No longer in need of sharp cutting facets- I am becoming shiny and smooth with my hard-earned polished edges.
Here is a quick start to get you into your own healing, meditation practice. The trick to meditation is “practice" so be consistent. Set a timer- there are hundreds of meditation timers available as apps on your phone. Become still and quiet in a comfortable position, and place where you will not be disturbed. When beginning a new practice, it is often helpful to focus on your breath or even repeat a mantra until you find that your mind has slowed. With practice, there are ever growing periods of stillness there. Allow your breathing to become slower, deeper and more even. Let the mind do as it will and let thoughts pass peacefully through your consciousness. Try not to attach to anyone thought. Acknowledge thoughts and simply let them pass by letting your attention gently wander back to the breath or mantra.
Start small with 5 minutes. Build as your ability to stay becomes stronger without need to force. I have had some teachers who believe that silence is the best meditation and others who prefer mantra or peaceful music. My personal belief is that different days will call for different meditations. Do whatever works best for you. Don't be afraid to mix it up and try different methods. Be curious and let it be an adventure to try a variety of meditations. Guided meditations are plentiful, and can be very uplifting. Use whatever methods help you to enjoy your practice. Be consistent with the time you designate to meditate. Let it be a self-indulgent ritual that you adhere to for the sheer joy of being good to yourself. While you cannot expect Buddha himself to fall into your lap- you can expect to find more peace in your days. There will be subtle changes in your coping mechanisms over time.
You will become an ever more patient, graceful, compassionate you.
Meditate, become still, be brave and look deep inside all the way to soul. When you are peacefully a drop in the one vast ocean you will see that you, like me, are a bright and shiny soul- we all are.
