The old rule of thumb in conversation was never talking about religion or politics.
It didn't take long on Facebook for me to figure out that posting about those subjects will also get you roasted pretty quickly.
There is a problem in this rule.
If I can't talk about my opinions then how can I possibly learn or grow? I want to be able to post about an important issue and have a discussion about why someone might disagree with me. Send me links to real subjects that change my perspective and get me thinking about the other side of things.
Call me a doody head and unfriend me and our chances of teaching each other vanish. We also lose all hopes of learning anything personal about each other that could potentially foster goodwill and understanding. Doomed are any hopes of meeting somewhere in the middle- finding common ground. Let's be honest; we can't even call ourselves mature adults.
I grew up right-wing, my family as conservative as they come. Hey, we hail from within the Bible belt. We like our guns, flags, and Church on Sunday. Then, when I got uncomfortable, I dared to venture outside my Time magazine and Fox News reality bubble. Bless my soul- I found that I might just be a little ignorant to the "other side" of things.
The delivery of this lesson was not a gentle tap on the shoulder. It was a full on, ego-shredding brick to the head. Long story, short. I got ousted from a home-school group over a disagreement on illegal immigrants. When I say ousted, I mean thrown out in an online hate storm and name calling. I was called a racist- Rush Limbaugh. ( I didn't even know who Rush Limbaugh was but I was pretty sure it wasn't a compliment when they called me by that name.) I asked the organizer of the group to please present me with her arguments. Enlighten me with stories and ideas. Broaden my horizons!
Instead, I was cut off from the entire group and never spoken to again. I was devastated. Even in the throes of my Republican propaganda regurgitation days, I was not a racist. That one hurt. I had to do some soul searching. One of the more gentle ladies did contact me to say that she did not believe me to be racist from my point of view on illegal immigration- after all, she told me, plenty of people here illegally are in fact, white people. Still, I was broken-hearted and confused because, in my mind, I was a patriot, American.
It wasn't until after I educated myself (pulled my head out of the sand) that I realized---I was biased and uninformed (a hapless dope) who had been brought up under a narrowed belief system. I had one side of every story. I had no influence that might cause me to question that teaching. I was living with the programming of my upbringing and experience. What I had said in my defense was correct to my best knowledge. I honestly had no idea how I had come under such fire-
But I was sure as shit going to find out!
First, I got a subscription to Newsweek. I actively compared the stories there to the ones in my Time Magazine. I began to study the issues from different angles to try and understand how people came to their varying opinions and differences in approach. I wanted to dissect and form an educated opinion rather than just follow the conservative or liberal slants. I began to challenge my knee-jerk assessments and heartily search for alternate viewpoints to disprove my ideas. I learned research without forming opinions. To pull all my information together and only then use critical thinking to make decisions. I learned how to broaden my personal perspectives.
I began to see with absolute clarity the human issues and rigidity of beliefs that divide us in this country.
In the grand scheme of things, we all need and want the same things. To paint it with a wide brush: We want to be treated fairly and given proper credit for our efforts. We want to be free to raise children and for those children to also be free, healthy and happy. We want to be able to enjoy our lives. To be safe, and still have peace and justice in our homes, our country, and our world.
Why then are we all at each other's throats? We are so ready to throw down and fight or slam the door and walk away. How can we be this divided over the way seek to go about getting our needs met?
This inability to express ourselves and speak our needs doesn't bode well for anyone's argument nor, does it offer much hope for the human race in problem-solving.
So, what is the obstacle to our ability to compromise?
It is my belief that it stems from poor communication and a fear of new ideas that might oppose our own.
I believe if communication skills and emotional intelligence were required studies in our schools, society would be better equipped to impart their needs more effectively. There would be understanding that fear makes us judgmental and intolerant. With proper tone and wording, it would be safe to ask questions about other cultures and religions, allowing for tolerance and more overall understanding of one another. Right speech could build camaraderie like never before in our world- beginning in our homes.
Right speech: Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noble_Eightfold_Path)
There is a lack of understanding the importance of the clarity of our words and tone we speak them. There is such normalcy in the mass use of verbal abuse and false argument. We are so reactive- we have become unable to comprehend or tolerate intelligent conversation. As a result, much of our population is functionally unable to access any workable mentality as a cohesive group. Bad arguments are the cornerstones of the debates on our news and Facebook feeds. Further descending us even deeper into unconquerable ego battles. Competing mercilessly to be heard- and be right, with a winner-takes-all ego to bully us on we possess no skills to perfect win-win scenarios that could ultimately transform our communities.
"The attitudes you bring to communication will have an enormous impact on the way you compose yourself and interact with others. Choose, to be honest, patient, optimistic, sincere, respectful, and accepting of others. Be sensitive to other people's feelings, and believe in others' competence." (http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Good-Communication-Skills)
Using the lessons of The Four Agreements and Non-Violent Communication, I approach Facebook and life differently now. I try to come from a place of curiousness. I ask people who seem very sure about things if they have considered other people's points of view. I express, how I have found that I can rarely have a perfect idea of how things "should" work. When I take the time to examine whether things proposed might be harmful in some way- they usually are. I speak of my fears of doing unforeseen harm with harsh policies and rigid stances.
If there is any hope of making improvements in this world, we will have to work together. The shift toward mindfulness has arrived. Those following the movement have the want to be conscious and tame the ego. Progress is depending on those. To aid our population in unity, excellent communication skills and to nurture growth in others will help preserve the goodwill. Working on communication, we can demonstrate the skills to our families and with those we interact. We can carry the motion forward and hope to change the trajectory of what has become our Achilles heel and self-degradation as a civilization.
It didn't take long on Facebook for me to figure out that posting about those subjects will also get you roasted pretty quickly.
There is a problem in this rule.
If I can't talk about my opinions then how can I possibly learn or grow? I want to be able to post about an important issue and have a discussion about why someone might disagree with me. Send me links to real subjects that change my perspective and get me thinking about the other side of things.
Call me a doody head and unfriend me and our chances of teaching each other vanish. We also lose all hopes of learning anything personal about each other that could potentially foster goodwill and understanding. Doomed are any hopes of meeting somewhere in the middle- finding common ground. Let's be honest; we can't even call ourselves mature adults.
I grew up right-wing, my family as conservative as they come. Hey, we hail from within the Bible belt. We like our guns, flags, and Church on Sunday. Then, when I got uncomfortable, I dared to venture outside my Time magazine and Fox News reality bubble. Bless my soul- I found that I might just be a little ignorant to the "other side" of things.
The delivery of this lesson was not a gentle tap on the shoulder. It was a full on, ego-shredding brick to the head. Long story, short. I got ousted from a home-school group over a disagreement on illegal immigrants. When I say ousted, I mean thrown out in an online hate storm and name calling. I was called a racist- Rush Limbaugh. ( I didn't even know who Rush Limbaugh was but I was pretty sure it wasn't a compliment when they called me by that name.) I asked the organizer of the group to please present me with her arguments. Enlighten me with stories and ideas. Broaden my horizons!
Instead, I was cut off from the entire group and never spoken to again. I was devastated. Even in the throes of my Republican propaganda regurgitation days, I was not a racist. That one hurt. I had to do some soul searching. One of the more gentle ladies did contact me to say that she did not believe me to be racist from my point of view on illegal immigration- after all, she told me, plenty of people here illegally are in fact, white people. Still, I was broken-hearted and confused because, in my mind, I was a patriot, American.
It wasn't until after I educated myself (pulled my head out of the sand) that I realized---I was biased and uninformed (a hapless dope) who had been brought up under a narrowed belief system. I had one side of every story. I had no influence that might cause me to question that teaching. I was living with the programming of my upbringing and experience. What I had said in my defense was correct to my best knowledge. I honestly had no idea how I had come under such fire-
But I was sure as shit going to find out!
First, I got a subscription to Newsweek. I actively compared the stories there to the ones in my Time Magazine. I began to study the issues from different angles to try and understand how people came to their varying opinions and differences in approach. I wanted to dissect and form an educated opinion rather than just follow the conservative or liberal slants. I began to challenge my knee-jerk assessments and heartily search for alternate viewpoints to disprove my ideas. I learned research without forming opinions. To pull all my information together and only then use critical thinking to make decisions. I learned how to broaden my personal perspectives.
"Critical thinking is essential if we are to get to the root of our problems and develop reasonable solutions. After all, the quality of everything we do is determined by the quality of our thinking."
(http://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/our-mission/599)
I began to see with absolute clarity the human issues and rigidity of beliefs that divide us in this country.
In the grand scheme of things, we all need and want the same things. To paint it with a wide brush: We want to be treated fairly and given proper credit for our efforts. We want to be free to raise children and for those children to also be free, healthy and happy. We want to be able to enjoy our lives. To be safe, and still have peace and justice in our homes, our country, and our world.
Why then are we all at each other's throats? We are so ready to throw down and fight or slam the door and walk away. How can we be this divided over the way seek to go about getting our needs met?
This inability to express ourselves and speak our needs doesn't bode well for anyone's argument nor, does it offer much hope for the human race in problem-solving.
So, what is the obstacle to our ability to compromise?
It is my belief that it stems from poor communication and a fear of new ideas that might oppose our own.
I believe if communication skills and emotional intelligence were required studies in our schools, society would be better equipped to impart their needs more effectively. There would be understanding that fear makes us judgmental and intolerant. With proper tone and wording, it would be safe to ask questions about other cultures and religions, allowing for tolerance and more overall understanding of one another. Right speech could build camaraderie like never before in our world- beginning in our homes.
Right speech: Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noble_Eightfold_Path)
There is a lack of understanding the importance of the clarity of our words and tone we speak them. There is such normalcy in the mass use of verbal abuse and false argument. We are so reactive- we have become unable to comprehend or tolerate intelligent conversation. As a result, much of our population is functionally unable to access any workable mentality as a cohesive group. Bad arguments are the cornerstones of the debates on our news and Facebook feeds. Further descending us even deeper into unconquerable ego battles. Competing mercilessly to be heard- and be right, with a winner-takes-all ego to bully us on we possess no skills to perfect win-win scenarios that could ultimately transform our communities.
"The attitudes you bring to communication will have an enormous impact on the way you compose yourself and interact with others. Choose, to be honest, patient, optimistic, sincere, respectful, and accepting of others. Be sensitive to other people's feelings, and believe in others' competence." (http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Good-Communication-Skills)
Using the lessons of The Four Agreements and Non-Violent Communication, I approach Facebook and life differently now. I try to come from a place of curiousness. I ask people who seem very sure about things if they have considered other people's points of view. I express, how I have found that I can rarely have a perfect idea of how things "should" work. When I take the time to examine whether things proposed might be harmful in some way- they usually are. I speak of my fears of doing unforeseen harm with harsh policies and rigid stances.
If there is any hope of making improvements in this world, we will have to work together. The shift toward mindfulness has arrived. Those following the movement have the want to be conscious and tame the ego. Progress is depending on those. To aid our population in unity, excellent communication skills and to nurture growth in others will help preserve the goodwill. Working on communication, we can demonstrate the skills to our families and with those we interact. We can carry the motion forward and hope to change the trajectory of what has become our Achilles heel and self-degradation as a civilization.
