She Should Have: A Letter to The Good Ole Boys.

 Hey men. Yeah, you. Especially you, badass, southern, white men... care to test yourself on whether you are fairly evaluating the Kavanaugh debacle? I am bowled over at how many men in my life cannot understand this issue.

Let's create a simulation of what a girl goes through that you can actually feel so that you can better understand the subtle emotions behind such an act.

You have gone out to dinner with a fellow businessman, and the two of you are having burgers and beers and then heading over to his place to watch a game with other fellow workers. You arrive at his house a little early so while waiting for the other fellas you begin talking about his awesome new pistol with tons of bells and whistles. You like guns and would love to feast your eyes on this masterpiece so when he asks if you want to see it, you follow him eagerly.

He winds you through his strange house and back into a room where there is a king size bed, but you barely notice it. He closes the door, and you find it odd but assume he did it out of habit or didn't want anyone to know where he hides his gun. He is a respected man of the community and a "ladies man." You think he is a healthy, decent human being, so you continue along with only the slightest reservation.

Sure enough, he opens the nightstand drawer and pulls out the pistol...You are excited to get a better look but instead of handing it to you, he points it in your face and demands you perform oral sex on him.

Now let's assume this guy is the size of The Rock and you are, well-- you. To be clear, Dwayne Johnson is 6'4 and weighs 260lbs. of pure muscle. He was a football player, a WWE wrestler, and today he has a gun pointed at your head. Again, you are just you. You refuse his demand, and he laughs, pistol whips you, and forcibly puts his member into your mouth.
You are in shock, beat senseless, and already sexually assaulted. Even if it ends right here, you had an unwelcome penis in your mouth.

This is the world of forced submission.

Unimpressed with your oral skill, this huge, angry, bully belittles you for begging him to stop like a whining girl. Then he threatens to take pictures of his member in your mouth and post it to a gay dating site unless you remove your clothes.

He rapes you numerous times.

You are battered, threatened with public humiliation, shocked, traumatized and in desperate fear for your life.

You are relieved but also mortified when the first men arrive to watch the game. He leaves you to answer the door, and you struggle to put your clothes back on, thankful for the end of your torture. In a fog of upset and pain, you try to get yourself together before the other men see you in this compromised, humiliating position.

When you finally emerge, you try not to walk funny. You have some facial wounds that the other guys are curious about, and you listen, furious when your abuser laughingly explains them away as a bar fight you were both in earlier.  He even elaborates, spinning a tale of, you should see the other guy.

Do you tell the other men what happened? Do you run to the police? Maybe. But he will post the picture of his penis in your mouth and say you are lying to cover up your gay activity. He and all his friends will scoff at the ridiculousness of your claim. It is also going to mean you explain exactly what he did to you numerous times and to more and more people. Reliving every awful moment and furthering your torment by publically announcing every embarrassing detail. Everyone from that moment on will know the degradation you suffered.

You must consider that you will never be looked upon the same again and that telling will never give you back your dignity, but it just might take away more of it. You are sickened when you realize women too will know you were victimized. How will they perceive you? Will you ever feel manly again?

In this scenario, your man card is laying in ruin just like a woman's chastity after such an incidence. 

Women are often thought of as loose, whores, fast, or sluts for having sex, and likewise, you will be shamed rather than supported. Namely, you will be called gay, fag, "catcher" and the size of your anal entrance will be discussed, called into question, laughed about and commented on--publically, often, and without compassion or even a nod to the fact that you were an unwilling participant.

People, even your family, will speculate and ask why you went to his house. Why did you go into his bedroom? They will conclude that you wanted it, asked for it even. You had dinner, drinks and then willingly went into his bedroom, surely you must have known this would happen to you.

Now, think about it. With real implications attached, would you tell?

        Further, imagine you do tell and you are called a liar. You're told it didn't happen or you deserved it.

For more understanding go watch the movies: Deliverance (Burt Reynolds), and The Accused (Jodi Foster).  

Sexual Assault in the United States

• One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives (a)
• In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime (o)
• 51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance (a)
• 52.4% of male victims report being raped by an acquaintance and 15.1% by a stranger (a)
• Almost half (49.5%) of multiracial women and over 45% of American Indian/Alaska Native women were subjected to some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime (o)
• 91% of victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and nine percent are male (m)
• In eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator (j)
• Eight percent of rapes occur while the victim is at work (c)

Fake News, Freedom, and the Ability to do Great Injustice

   

There is a name for fake news that is far more telling of its sinister capabilities. Information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view is propaganda-- a foreign word to American's. We are distanced from such things.

      We learned about it in high school. Therefore we could never fall victim to it, right? It is the tactics of corrupt and evil nations. We default to our idea of Nazi's rather than engaging our critical thinking.
    American schools teach the word attached to specific agendas. Then they explain that we are free which lulls us into the belief that we are above this sort of mass manipulation by corrupt leaders. But does that notion hold true under examination?

When Adolf Hitler decided a superior race, what made him believe he was right? Intelligence? A generosity of spirit? Conscious? Fairness? No.

 He was arrogant of race, deluded about victimhood, ignorant of his descent into evil and corrupted within his beliefs, both personal and religious. So much so, that he could carry out atrocities without blinking an eye. He acted on his anger and fear to a degree where he could de-humanize people. An entire race of people. Then he went further to add anyone who sought to help those people.

That one derived ability was built from years of biased information and refusal to acknowledge his own shortcomings. And then those casual attributes created the monster. 

The terrible truth is that his sickness is contagious. We know it spread to an entire country and eventually bore the fruits of his evil on such a scale that all humanity was affected. Is America now falling into the same trap?

Someone told us that people coming into this country was a drain on our wealth and wellbeing. They pointed to instantaneous welfare and job loss. When that wasn't enough they added crime, eeking out stories of illegal immigrants who break our laws, making us believe we are victims of these horrible people on a large scale. American's, out of perceived unfairness and helplessness, misdirect their anger in response.

 Instead of using our intelligent and civilized means of fixing broken laws and righting system failures we built prisons to detain the people and created our own moral rules these people broke to allow apathy to human suffering. People I know to have good hearts and kindness were suddenly tyrannical in their want to punish those people as if they committed some heinous injustice. Hung in the town square without trial or conviction. When good people see themselves as morally superior, they become able to justify grave misdeeds of humanity. (https://www.ethicalsystems.org/content/lucifer-effect)

     There is no doubt that separating parents from children is traumatic and puts children at risk. None of us are so ignorant we believe this is harmless and by justifying our actions, we allow the stripping of their humanness. We have placed a lesser value on their life than ours in overt superiority and failed to see the commonalities between us. We criticized their decision without knowing the aspects of consideration. Whether directly or by inaction, we are all guilty of allowing this now.

American's have proclaimed ourselves the victims of these people rather than see that we are all the suckers of a defective system of government that is being inadequately run, choosing to villainize the easier target.

When American's talk about freedom, they often puff their chests and turn sentimental eyes toward our military. In that misconstrued idea, we lost track of what freedom means.

American freedom is not a commodity to be stolen by thieves in the night and it has not ever been fought for by a man in uniform on foreign land. To fight for American freedom is to demand fairness and dignity to all our citizens, to be governed by a body of people elected by, and put in place, to represent the will of the public.


War, unless declared on or by our own government to fight within our borders or to oppose a regime trying to enter our country and take over, has never been for American freedom. Let that sink in.

     Freedom: 1. the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. 2. absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government. 3. the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

I'll wager that every American freedom ever lost was taken by those governing us, or by our fellow people. 

     Whether by our asking, or our leader's telling, we have allowed the erosion of our freedoms. Consider the misuse of our tax dollars, unwarranted searches, being demonized for taking a knee, and getting mowed down by police on our streets at ever increasing rates, we are sinking into oppression that should be alarming to us all. But many of us are failing to see or acknowledge it. Some of us are even hailing its demise. Why?

  Cognitive Dissonance. In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort (psychological stress) experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. This discomfort is triggered by a situation in which a belief of a person clashes with new evidence perceived by that person. When confronted with facts that contradict personal beliefs, ideals, and values, people will find a way to resolve the contradiction in order to reduce their discomfort. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance)

Gradually our declining awareness weakens us as a country and ensures the future degradation of even more of our liberty.

Already we sit by lax while our citizens have their passports revoked (https://www.snopes.com/news/2018/08/30/revoking-passports-us-citizens/) and immigrants and citizens who have broken no laws get thrown into jails and encampments. (https://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/14/us/measures-to-capture-illegal-aliens-nab-citizens.html) We turn a blind eye because we believe our system works-- and besides, the people of America are at odds, battling amongst ourselves. A ridiculous waste of time that takes the heat off the ones with the power to change anything. Foolishly, we argue and belittle each other as if any of us can call a shot.

We are playing in a game that divided we are sure to lose, and yet we cannot, or will not take the time to come to an agreement for the betterment of us all.

I hurt for all the many people who feel unheard and uncared for as the balance skews. The more attention these folks try to bring to their suffering and inequality, the more disdain and ridicule they get in our political divide. Thought of like delicate snowflakes, anyone seeking equality, protection, fairness, freedom, and justice are deemed weak and needy while the other side looks more and more like empathy lacking, bullies. Can we not find a place of strength that also allows humanity?


  Much like the Homeowner's Associations that became so popular for a while, stipulations, rules, restrictions, and conformity seem admirable and safe until we begin to find the problems and constraints that go along with them. It starts with the marginalized but before we know it, the discomfort is looking us dead square in the eyes, and we realize, too late, the mistake we made.

I challenge you to acknowledge your transcendence? What, in your mind, makes you right above all others? In a self-assessment, find your justifications. Within this hunt, we can begin to battle back against the nature of our thinking faults-- and we all have them. 

      Are you on a moral high-horse of empathy and altruism? Are you a proponent of the "I did it and so can you," group?  Maybe your superiority springs from a pious place, or perhaps you cannot bear to release your rose-colored, patriotism long enough to think critically about our nation.
    If we want an America that we can be proud of, we have to take a critical thinking standpoint. Logically, we are all correct as much as we are all entirely wrong. Only when the means of our solutions are humane and determined by the specifics of the individual case can we tout freedom. For that to happen, we all have to back off our sureness of possessing the one true right and learn to compromise. Extremism in any direction creates an imbalance; Inequality, unfairness, and injustice are not the standard we hold for America, are they?

I Refuse to get a Mammogram

Sitting in my doctor's office, I await my turn to answer awkward questions and justify myself against having numerous screenings. Though I am in shape and in good health, I must navigate this obstacle course every 4 months for access to my regular medications. I have taken the same dose of Synthroid for 15 years for low thyroid and Vyvanse for 5 years to treat my adult ADHD. Still, they tell me these visits are necessary to continue my prescriptions. For me, this is a costly inconvenience not only to me but also my health insurance company. It also feels like an overseeing of my health, by the government that is both unwarranted and unwanted.

I am choosy with my doctors because I have specific ideas about my healthcare. I also have strong opinions about the medical communities conventional methods of staying healthy. I want someone who invites me to take care of my body naturally and who does not throw a pill at every complaint. She must support my research and work with me to educate myself to best decide my care. I would never go to a provider who is threatened by my want to be educated enough to form my own thoughts and opinions. My doctor listens to my concerns and respectfully takes the time to consider the facts I present while helping me to fill in any information I may need.

 Like most, I am troubled by the number of young people in my life who I have seen get cancer and then subsequently pass because of it. Speaking to my friends who work in the medical industry, I became even more disheartened.  Over and over I heard them say that if they were ever diagnosed, they would seek alternative care- rather than go with conventional cancer treatments.  With that in mind, I began to study. The statistics are alarming, and this is information that everyone should understand in these times.

The first shock that I uncovered was the folly of our promotion of well-care screenings that have become a standard of care in America. We are made to believe these screenings are our best defense against getting sick. I have good health insurance and am health conscious, so it seems a no-brainer that I would run out and get mine- but I don't, and there is a reason.

I quickly found that breast and prostate cancers are the most over-diagnosed and over-treated cancers in America.  

They estimate that screen-detected breast tumors have an overdiagnosis rate of 14.7% to 38.6% (excluding ductal carcinoma in situ). This is the latest of several studies using various methods and data sets to show that the phenomenon of overdiagnosis exists in breast cancer. Estimates of this overdiagnosis rate vary but range up to 54% of screen-detected localized tumors, with most estimates between 15% and 25% (2). http://annals.org/aim/article-abstract/2597574/accepting-existence-breast-cancer-overdiagnosis.

Anyone who has ever had a health scare knows the stress that the fear produces. Stress alone is a danger to our health and overdiagnosis of cancer at best, means unnecessary worry. Unfortunately, it only gets worse from there. Next comes unneeded, expensive and invasive testing. And sadly, many will go on to have unnecessary cancer treatments that are likely more dangerous than their original condition.

 Mammographically detected breast cancers are much more likely to have low-risk biology than symptomatic tumors found between screenings (interval cancers) or that present as clinical masses.  Importantly, ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) lesions, or what have been called stage I cancers, in and of themselves are not life-threatening. [Yet] situ lesions have been treated in a manner similar to that of invasive cancer, but there is little evidence to support that this practice has improved mortality. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24451829

This means the "cancers" that mammography most often detects are only non-cancerous lesions that may go away on their own and even if they stay, may never go on to become cancerous. It also means that women are being given potentially fatal treatments for conditions that are not a mortal threat.

 One in three women with breast cancer detected by a mammogram is treated unnecessarily, because screening tests found tumors that are so slow-growing that they're mostly harmless, according to a Danish study published Monday in Annals of Internal Medicine, which has renewed debate over the value of early detection. https://www.cnn.com/2017/01/10/health/breast-cancer-unnecessary-treatment-study-partner/index.html

If your doctor, like mine, began to advise you to have mammograms at the age of 40 you have a 50-60% chance of getting a false positive by the time you are 50 years old.

The chance of a false positive result is higher among younger women and women with dense breasts [28]. (Most women younger than 50 have dense breasts, so there's overlap among these groups.) https://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/AccuracyofMammograms.html

Overdiagnosis becomes even more problematic when it requires more mammograms which means further exposure to radiation which then raises your chances of developing all forms of cancer.

The report, "Breast Cancer and the Environment: A Life Course Approach," concluded that about 2,800 breast-cancer cases a year among U.S. women stem from medical radiation.

So what are the repercussions of the treatments these patients receive? Statistics show that cancer treatments are often deadly. A large percentage of patients will not survive the first 30 days after their first chemotherapy treatment.
Around 8 percent of cancer patients are dying within 15 days of starting treatment, a startling new study has discovered. https://www.wddty.com/magazine/2017/january/chemos-early-victims.html

For these women who have slow-growing cancers or benign lesions, the risk does not justify the high stakes of the cancer treatment. Many do not understand that surviving 5 years after cancer treatments is considered a success in the survival statistics they are provided. The dangers of future consequences are dismissed, and most patients are not told about the damage that will have been done to their body during those treatments, should they survive.

 There's insufficient evidence that earlier screening does more good than harm. Research showed that for some women with Stages 1 and 2 breast cancer, the absolute survival benefit from preventive double mastectomies is less than 1% after 20 years and no matter how a woman is treated for DCIS, the mortality risk is 3%--similar to the average for the general population. And some women with early-stage breast cancer don't benefit from chemo and can skip it. http://time.com/4057310/breast-cancer-overtreatment/


The truth is, our doctors have become such advocates of screening and early detection that they are ignoring the problems as they are discovered with those screenings. Perhaps our want to believe there are benefits of early detection is so strong that it prompts us to go on with the useless tests even when science knows they are not of value.

It is concluded that we have reached the point of negligible benefit from mammography screening for breast cancer in women at average risk, and that we should concentrate on early diagnosis of breast cancer and the application of modern therapy according to clearly defined sub-types of breast cancer. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13697137.2017.1392503

Naturally, people are frightened of being sick. It seems because of that anxiety we often make decisions to act aggressively even when the effect may be worse than the condition itself. We assume that any cancer leads to death, and that thought overshadows the fact that screenings or early diagnosis might be creating some of the problems.
Harm is occurring because of misinformation and misunderstanding. We have even seen such panic over a cancerous occurrence or possible recurrence that women have decided to seek treatment with no diagnoses at all. If people were better informed about the risks of the remedy perhaps over-treatment and the subsequent deadly side-effects would decrease.

Rather than push tests that stir up fear and panic even though they have little value, let us help people understand their bodies. I believe preventative care should teach how diet and lifestyle are our best ways to promote good health. Instead of testing people lets test the products that are poisoning us and causing cancer.
To save lives, we have to inform people and give them the tools they need to make decisions that help rather than harm them.

For my research, I used these links:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4322920/

http://annals.org/aim/article-abstract/2596394/breast-cancer-screening-denmark-cohort-study-tumor-size-overdiagnosis

https://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/AccuracyofMammograms.html

https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2011/10/10778/high-rate-false-positives-annual-mammogram

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24451829

http://annals.org/aim/article-abstract/2597574/accepting-existence-breast-cancer-overdiagnosis

https://www.cnn.com/2017/01/10/health/breast-cancer-unnecessary-treatment-study-partner/index.html

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/1853165

http://time.com/4057310/breast-cancer-overtreatment/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4322920/

https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-64310-6_13

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673606698346

https://academic.oup.com/jnci/article-abstract/69/2/349/880428

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0002961017315635

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13697137.2017.1392503

Promise of Authenticity- Delivered Indoctrination

The freedom still rushes over me sometimes. I am alone at the helm again. Some things that I learned within the cult ring true for me- it was not all bad and hurtful. I was taught to notice negative views and thoughts that my brain tries to force upon me. I use this now to mindfully come to my opinions, feelings, and logic. I realize now that these are genuinely my decisions- I no longer spend time worrying about shame or guilt being used to influence me to live up to the cult's expectations.
I realize the truth, I am on my path when living according to my beliefs and ideas.
We were kept off-balance through mind games. Subtle shifts in reasoning go by mostly unnoticed but soon become the glue that holds you. Within our cult, we were taught that our inner voice is the enemy of our success. It is seen as a negative thing; a problematic nuisance that prevents us from reaching our highest potential. Such a warped version of the idea can, without careful scrutiny, be accepted as truth. We do have instances where we hold ourselves back out of insecurity. The perversion became insidious when they began to use uncertainty interchangeably with instinct.
As they expected red flags to start flying, we were told not to speak to one another about our doubts. Threatened with the idea that would be in "dissent," they used our fear of guilt and shame to keep us from "gossiping" to one another. They halted our critical thinking and alienated us to deal with our anxieties with no feedback.  They groomed us by teaching us that fighting our inner demons means quieting anything that feels like fear or misgivings. This set us up with shame for removing ourselves from situations that are uncomfortable. Even when we sensed things might be outside our truth, and sometimes things seemed entirely wrong- we wanted to live up to her expectations. She did expect us to ignore our personal boundaries to follow her rules. To do anything other than her bidding invites shame, unacceptability and her loss of belief in you. The cult believes these feelings to be weaknesses we must work through, and you must rise to the challenge to win her affection.  
The most disturbing part is the loss of my intelligent and loving friends. I am watching them give up their individuality as they substitute their passions, interests, and goals in trade for the pointless rituals being pushed on them as they become convinced of yoga's all-importance. It is their beautiful human qualities of loyalty and genuine love that blinds them to her. I will not be angry or hurt as they ostracize me for speaking out for them. They are doing precisely what they feel is ethical and moral, standing by the leader they think is saving their souls and bringing them a better quality of life. I once believed that too.
I want to understand how this cult thing works to alter your very reality so completely. I am both fascinated and sickened by the strategic genius that makes the indoctrination a reliable equation. The unwitting refusal to see or believe what is painfully clear to all the outside world is a shocking phenomenon. There exists a method of magical equation that conforms free-thinkers. It convinces them that adopting a cults doctrine is freedom. Twisting our very best qualities into our ruin. I can tell you-you cannot see it at all until you do. Once it comes into focus, you cannot then unsee it.
The moment I popped out of the group-think I observed, as if an entirely new person, the absurdity of everything that had been going on around me. I saw through my own eyes again, and the things I had believed benign were suddenly bizarre, strange and even childish. The sinister part is that I had traded my thinking mind for this illogical entertainment and lost myself in the process. They were changing our reality, and we never noticed that they had taken the driver's seat. Only from the outside can I acknowledge that I had begun setting up my life in their tiny jail cell. Navigating the maze of controlling rules and regulations that had never been in my best interest had become my most significant life goal. That constant rhetoric and alienation had stolen my preferences, changed my priorities and convinced me to further their agenda. I let it take my time and attention from all the things I genuinely consider valuable.
 I gave up my healthy routine for sleep stealing hours of meditation. I no longer took time to write. I was too busy studying yogic beliefs and perfecting asana to spend time with family and non-yoga friends. I had become unwittingly compelled to give up my entire life to the yoga world I was sucked into. After a while, I mentally beat myself up if I didn't practice every day. I stopped doing any of my other favorite types of workout because I believed my peace and understanding hinged on all the hours of yoga. Afterall, that is what I was taught.

It shocks me how hard it was to release myself from her ideas. They were so skillfully implanted and gracefully reinforced. Through the logical process of deduction, anyone can see that the entire premise of her teachings is paradoxical. Told that we would free our minds from those implanted in our upbringing, promised a way to our authenticity; we were actually being reprogrammed with their doctrine. Not cleansed and freed but switched to a belief system even further from our own. The irony is unbelievable.

Love Illusions.

Soul searching, she came- with a consuming hunger,

She arrived so naive, and with eyes filled with wonder,

She walked on clouds- when days were clear,

Allowing the fading of all of her fears,

When seeds of trust- began to bloom,

The buds were deceptions- hiding thorns of doom,

Betrayed she now bears- a skeptics heart,

Jaded from the pain- of when it all falls apart,

Still, the field's been planted, and the crop is in,

Though it wasn't the yield- that she'd hoped for back then,

Shes worked, and shes tended with love- in this dirt,

Should she just walk away, is there just too much hurt?

She used to think love could deliver your dreams,

But experience has taught her- she no longer believes,

No longer blind by bullshit- I won't be told who I am,
Fed up with all the judgement, proving to myself- that I can,

It's true, he's not the person, I thought that he would be,

But then, when it comes to perfect- I realized that neither is that- me,

My path is hard to follow, if I'm not lost then I'm not me-
It doesn't really matter because- I am delivered, I'm whole,
and I'm free.

Donald's Hair- A poem by Traci Burnam

Would you look at that thing on top of his head?
It's not really blonde or even quite red,

Reactive and wild it billows and blows,
Like the nuclear bomb threat, he's beginning to pose,

So messy and reckless he peacocks- no shame,
His hair, like a torch that turned wildfire- untamed.

I have to wonder if he planned it that way,
When he goes to the barber, just what does he say?

"Make it distinct! Like a big neon sign.
It should be striking, noteworthy, divine!"

Still, I just can't fathom- how that style came to be.
I can honestly tell you that it befuddles me.

There is one thing about Donald's hair to be said,
It's like a temperament gage set atop of his head.

Whatever that hair is doing today,
Blasts from his mouth, causing all sorts of dismay.

Oh, Donald, I beg you-- reconsider that style,
It seems your perception is based on denial,

Look in the mirror, I know it takes strength-
Your suit is a'muss and your style...well, it stinks,

Your "do" is a testament to your lack of self-care,
And those emotional outbursts prove you're not self-aware.

Dear Donald, I ask you to rethink that mane,
Go back to the barber -and please... come back sane.