Hey men. Yeah, you. Especially you, badass, southern, white men... care to test yourself on whether you are fairly evaluating the Kavanaugh debacle? I am bowled over at how many men in my life cannot understand this issue.
Let's create a simulation of what a girl goes through that you can actually feel so that you can better understand the subtle emotions behind such an act.
You have gone out to dinner with a fellow businessman, and the two of you are having burgers and beers and then heading over to his place to watch a game with other fellow workers. You arrive at his house a little early so while waiting for the other fellas you begin talking about his awesome new pistol with tons of bells and whistles. You like guns and would love to feast your eyes on this masterpiece so when he asks if you want to see it, you follow him eagerly.
He winds you through his strange house and back into a room where there is a king size bed, but you barely notice it. He closes the door, and you find it odd but assume he did it out of habit or didn't want anyone to know where he hides his gun. He is a respected man of the community and a "ladies man." You think he is a healthy, decent human being, so you continue along with only the slightest reservation.
Sure enough, he opens the nightstand drawer and pulls out the pistol...You are excited to get a better look but instead of handing it to you, he points it in your face and demands you perform oral sex on him.
Now let's assume this guy is the size of The Rock and you are, well-- you. To be clear, Dwayne Johnson is 6'4 and weighs 260lbs. of pure muscle. He was a football player, a WWE wrestler, and today he has a gun pointed at your head. Again, you are just you. You refuse his demand, and he laughs, pistol whips you, and forcibly puts his member into your mouth.
You are in shock, beat senseless, and already sexually assaulted. Even if it ends right here, you had an unwelcome penis in your mouth.
This is the world of forced submission.
Unimpressed with your oral skill, this huge, angry, bully belittles you for begging him to stop like a whining girl. Then he threatens to take pictures of his member in your mouth and post it to a gay dating site unless you remove your clothes.
He rapes you numerous times.
You are battered, threatened with public humiliation, shocked, traumatized and in desperate fear for your life.
You are relieved but also mortified when the first men arrive to watch the game. He leaves you to answer the door, and you struggle to put your clothes back on, thankful for the end of your torture. In a fog of upset and pain, you try to get yourself together before the other men see you in this compromised, humiliating position.
When you finally emerge, you try not to walk funny. You have some facial wounds that the other guys are curious about, and you listen, furious when your abuser laughingly explains them away as a bar fight you were both in earlier. He even elaborates, spinning a tale of, you should see the other guy.
Do you tell the other men what happened? Do you run to the police? Maybe. But he will post the picture of his penis in your mouth and say you are lying to cover up your gay activity. He and all his friends will scoff at the ridiculousness of your claim. It is also going to mean you explain exactly what he did to you numerous times and to more and more people. Reliving every awful moment and furthering your torment by publically announcing every embarrassing detail. Everyone from that moment on will know the degradation you suffered.
You must consider that you will never be looked upon the same again and that telling will never give you back your dignity, but it just might take away more of it. You are sickened when you realize women too will know you were victimized. How will they perceive you? Will you ever feel manly again?
In this scenario, your man card is laying in ruin just like a woman's chastity after such an incidence.
Women are often thought of as loose, whores, fast, or sluts for having sex, and likewise, you will be shamed rather than supported. Namely, you will be called gay, fag, "catcher" and the size of your anal entrance will be discussed, called into question, laughed about and commented on--publically, often, and without compassion or even a nod to the fact that you were an unwilling participant.
People, even your family, will speculate and ask why you went to his house. Why did you go into his bedroom? They will conclude that you wanted it, asked for it even. You had dinner, drinks and then willingly went into his bedroom, surely you must have known this would happen to you.
Now, think about it. With real implications attached, would you tell?
Further, imagine you do tell and you are called a liar. You're told it didn't happen or you deserved it.
For more understanding go watch the movies: Deliverance (Burt Reynolds), and The Accused (Jodi Foster).
Sexual Assault in the United States
- One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives (a)
- In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime (o)
- 51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance (a)
- 52.4% of male victims report being raped by an acquaintance and 15.1% by a stranger (a)
- Almost half (49.5%) of multiracial women and over 45% of American Indian/Alaska Native women were subjected to some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime (o)
- 91% of victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and nine percent are male (m)
- In eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator (j)
- Eight percent of rapes occur while the victim is at work (c)
