How to Stop Living a "Shouldy" Life.

Live your days on the positive side of life, in tune with your most treasured values. And in each moment you'll have much to live for. Ralph Marston
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphmarst564350.html?src=t_values

Live your days on the positive side of life, in tune with your most treasured values. And in each moment you'll have much to live for. Ralph Marston
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphmarst564350.html?src=t_values

Live your days on the positive side of life, in tune with your most treasured values. And in each moment you'll have much to live for. Ralph Marston
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphmarst564350.html?src=t_values

Live your days on the positive side of life, in tune with your most treasured values. And in each moment you'll have much to live for.  ~ Ralph Marston

You should clean the house.
You should cook.
You should bathe the dog.
You should go out and play with the kids.
You should exercise.

Isn't there a "should" to chasing my dreams?

I get overwhelmed with everyday life to the point that I am just not functioning well and my happiness has drained from me completely. I know it is happening when I forget appointments, losing everything I touch, yelling at inanimate objects ("Damn you, toaster! You burned my toast!") and just feeling tired- bone tired.
I want to be fulfilled and have a zest for the world, but it got sucked into the black hole of not-enough-time. The flip side is slowing down to smell the roses, I inevitably begin to feel as if I am getting behind. The laundry is piling up, dog hair is my new rug, and I would rather eat dirt than cook dinner by this point. Trying to carve out a life in all this living sometimes seems impossible. My mind tells me that this is my lot. It is no wonder I need antidepressants and anxiety drugs to function. This existence is enough to trample anyone's will.

The words to release me from this self-imposed prison cut through the static in my head: "You are only going to get the life you want by creating it."

These "shoulds" are just going to have to take a break now and then. If I am going to write, take a yoga class, go on a girl trip, or even just paint that picture I have been planning in my head for months- I am going to have to give myself permission to spend some time on the things that are emotionally significant to me.

 I have devised a simple method of sorting through the muck and creating the life of your dreams.

I call it: Stop shoulding all over the place. 

How am I sure I am not living from a "shouldy" value system? Simple- make up a eulogy! Yep, sounds crazy but I decided to put some time into the thought of who I want to be known as at the end of my life. A list of characteristics I believe defines that person leads me to be that person. Using a calculation from the components I want to embody, and the things in my life that are important, it was easy to prioritize and live according to my values.

I decided that I want to be kind, graceful with my word, empathetic, trustworthy, generous, supportive, forgiving, respectful and respected, secure, humble, joyful.
I ask myself- Do my actions and reactions match these traits?

I listed the things that are important to me:

• Health/ Well-being- nothing else matters without this.
• Marriage/Romantic Relationship- the person to share life with forever.
• Parenting- my part in creating the future.
• Extended family relationships- the backbone of my existence.
• Friends/ Social life- the fun and adventure of life.
• Career/ Work- my feeling of personal growth and development.
• Recreation/ Hobbies- the things that bring me joy and peace.
• Spirituality- my center for living my values.
• Citizenship/ Volunteer Work- what I give to the world.
  
  Live your days on the positive side of life, in tune with your most treasured values. And in each moment you'll have much to live for. Ralph Marston
  Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphmarst564350.html?src=t_values

If these are the things in life, I value- do I live with the actions that create my intentions? Is my time allotted according to my personal priorities or by some other dictations- society, parental influence, occupational expectation, ect.?

When daily living matches personal values, there is peace and happiness.  We have begun living instead of "shoulding."